blog!

January 2026

the 12th

hi guys! i have lots of murky emotions so i thought turning to the blog and being vulnerable may prove to be helpful. since i've returned to michigan from my trip i have had a growing sense of unrest and a return to emotions and sensations i had hoped i had left behind in my many therapy and doctor appointments. i've spent a lot of time trying to distance myself from this all consuming ickiness i am currently experiencing.

it feels scary to be in this position again. but also it feels upsetting to have this backslide mentally, and then have chronic conditions flare up from the stress. i felt safe in the understanding that a hard time was behind me, and that is no longer my view. my less rational self sees this a proof that i am inherently heartless, nonfunctional, sick. my rational side understands that progress is non-linear yaddah yaddah but this back-and-forth of my thoughts results in feeling like i cannot have trust in myself.

there has been no rereading of this post, and i am very likely to reread this (or really, any of these posts) and archive it. we shall see! my hope is that i am not a freak and others have/are gone/going through this. lmk because even though i'm not new to this, the cycle always feels alien!

the 6th

first post of the new year! i had a lovely time with my boyfriend and his family for the new year in wisconsin (i tried curling for the first time!), and i got home just a couple of days ago. i've hit the ground running since!

jan 4, the day after i got back, my band played a show with quality cinema club (det) and instrument (chi). we played at the field office, which is a venue in eastern market that is also a construction office in the day. there were stacks of old televisions surrounding the stage, and the organizers of the show would switch between xbox music graphics and nature documentaries to the time of the music between sets. it was very cool and made me feel like a real performer. watching instrument play was amazing. they are so talented and i am excited for what they bring with their ep that is coming out. their instagram is @instrument.go if you are interested in following them.

really the only people there were my friends. which is awesome and intimate and a lot of our songs are really fueled by the people who attended so it was particularly beautiful. i feel very lucky to have fun and be creative in a way that i can share with my friends. it feels funny to have them say they are 'proud of me,' when i am just doing what i do. that is so special.

then yesterday i had work and worked like a machine :p but after work i hung with my roommates and instrument, and they eventually all came on yumna's and my radio show and instrument even performed a live set! lots of people i love but rarely see showed up. not very often do i get to experience my friends in an organic way now that i've graduated from college. i was trying to really indulge in the experience of being surrounded by my friends in an Easy Way. makes me want to live in a big city where things are walkable and perhaps require less logistics.

leaving this extended weekend and entering this shortened week feeling ready to collaborate artistically with my bandmates, yumna, the rest of my friends. feeling excited to be around some old friends later this week. feeling lukcy and loved and aware of my limited youth — in a way that makes me excited to be in it now and not in a way that dreads leaving it.

December 2025

the 23rd

it's been a while! i haven't abandoned this project, i just feel like i have to focus on other things with timliness and a project of this nature unfortunately is the first to be taken off of my schedule in these times...

i am writing this from my grandparent's couch in indiana. so far all most of my time here has been spent in the kitchen making cookies or keeping a different woman of the family company while she is making something for christmas eve. and some job search stuff. i am going to will my way into a job in the city i want to move to. i may not be moving the most strategically but boy does this sure take up a large amount of my brainspace.

the new year is coming. solstice has gone. i have a long train ride to see my brother and boyfriend in wisconsin soon and i plan on indulging in some website work and writing about this transition between years. look out for that, i suppose! i am excited to go to the great north, and see my great brother. the holiday have always put me into a (bigger) ball of anxiety, so i am wishing an easy christmas to me, but also to you and yours.

the 12th

hello again! i have been feeling so reinvigorated creatively from this "confettigirl" project. i told myself i was not allowed to work on it yesterday, because i do think that i would have tweaked it all day if i had the chance. instead, i made a hat-thing (my roommate called it a scoodie? scarf hoodie?). i experienced a similar all-consuming creative motivation that i felt while building this site.

i had been missing that feeling for such a long time! i've had bursts, this was different in the way that i felt sustained by the process of creation, rather than the opportunity to experience completion and achievement in having a finished project.

these past couple of months have been pessimistic planet for me, with so much time spent on getting a Big Girl Job begetting dire results. i am enjoying getting some return (cute webpage) on investment (learning css). writing directly into an html document feels so alien and reminds me of writing letters on the typewriter at nelp. i am not really rereading any of this at all.

what i mean to say is that i am glad that i am doing this. it is so awesome to watch my friends make their sites, and how theirs are so obviously theirs i couldn't replicate the charms of their sites if you gave me a billion years!

having control over something that is mine from scratch (!) is a needed way to celebrate my individual tastes and perspective. AND a needed place for me to hone what that perspective is, exactly.

we shall see what this section of the site is going to look like. i know i want a more casual/personal writing section, and another for creative pieces, but i am going to have to feel it out. and decide how intimate i want to be on the w.w.w.

the 10th

writing this post to just make it not so intimidating. it feels similar to writing in a brand new journal; i have a habit of skipping the first page with intentions to go back and write a little about where that journal followed me to and what i learned while having it, but i always end up putting that in the final pages of the journal and leaving that first page white and blank.

websites don't exactly have pages (lol) that you can ignore, so this is me breaking the ice.

i had a tough moment with a family member today, where i once again was reminded that the surefire way to leaving a conversation with what you should get is to ignore and remain aloof. which is hard. i care too much to have that come easily. i am feeling especially grateful for the people in my life i get to be emotional and passionate around right now. and grateful for the projects that i get to love as well -- like this one! xx